"Fall in love with someone who wants you, who waits for you. who understands you even in the madness; someone who helps you, and guides you, someone who is your support, your hope. fall in love with someone who talks with you after a fight. Fall in love with someone who misses you and wants to be with you. Do not fall in love only with a body or with a face; or with the idea of being in love"
I shouldn’t feel this way and I wish I could talk to you about it but I can’t. I feel as though you’re just settling with me. Like you don’t want to be with me. Like I’m not what you really truly want. I feel as though you still want her. I know you. If anything I say is right, and you don’t want to talk about it you get mad and defensive. So I’m scared to bring it up and talk to you about it and you get defensive because then I’ll know. And in that moment I’ll have to decide. Do I do what I want and hope for that best or do I do the hardest thing of my life and do what’s best for me? I don’t want to be a runner up. I don’t want to believe it but it’s true. I feel as though you still want her, still love her. You look her up all the time and I don’t understand why. She was your first love. The first girl you got pregnant. The first girl you lived with, wanted to marry. To me you’re a lot of my first. But to you, I’m just another. You’re the first guy I truly, whole heartedly wanted to marry. First guy I would love with. First guy I got a marriage license with. First guy to get me pregnant. Id be the third girl you told you were going to marry. The third girl you got pregnant. The third girl you lived with. I just don’t feel special. And you looking her up, makes me feel as though you’re living in the past and it breaks my heart. I feel like I’m not enough…I just want this feeling to go away.
